I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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