What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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