You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
