A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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