I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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