Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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