Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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