Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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