Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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