No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
