Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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