I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
