The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
