So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
