the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
