I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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