drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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