I CAN MOONWALK!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
