I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
two words: eviction party
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
