I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize