You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
