Someone shit on the floor
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
