I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
