Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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