I feel like I'm in dance class right now
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
