What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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