I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
