I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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