Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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