my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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