six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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