I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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