you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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