By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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