Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
