I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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