there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
