You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
