I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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