I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
