I met the friendliest cop last night
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
