Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
