he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
