Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
