Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
