You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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