Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
