If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
