You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
