I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
