I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
