You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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