I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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