He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
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