He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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