On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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