Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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