Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
