I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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