he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
