Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
