Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize