Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
