im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
