You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
