Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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