i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
