is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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