Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm bleeding and have questions
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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