i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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