Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
false alarm, still single
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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