He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
